Goodbye
by Loveblisters
Summary: Hermione deals with Harry's death and Ron's rejection. Based on a poem I wrote that is full of unrequited love and unspoken apologies. Rated PG13 for suicide and angsty situations. Please R&R.


**Disclaimer:** The words in italics are of a poem I wrote. The characters and all that jazz unfortunately do not belong to me.   
**A/N:** This is a story of Hermione dealing with Harry's death and unrequited love from Ron. Please R&R.  
  
Goodbye  
  
_I don't know how to say goodbye...  
I don't know how to help you...  
I don't know how to thank you for  
All the things you've helped me through.  
  
_ When Harry died, you were the only one I had left. When I was feeling lost and alone, you reminded me that life was worth living. And then I fell in love with you. Your smile, your laugh, your freckles, and your flaming red hair. You brightened every day when all I could see was the darkness in my mind. But then... my worst nightmare. You don't love me? Well, I'm sorry I ever thought of you as more than a friend. I'm sorry I've hurt so many people in what I've done. I didn't mean for it all to go so wrong.  
  
_The pain I've caused is so intense  
That words cannot describe  
What I've done to you, and you, and you,  
And me - no longer hide.  
  
_ It all backfired - my plan of eternal happiness. We were to marry and make babies and forget that Harry had died. We would remember his smile and his bright green eyes, yet we would forget that wretched day he left us grieving alongside his lifeless body. But you didn't want to forget. You wanted to live in the past... without me.  
  
_My body aches with misery  
As I carve within my skin  
"The blood, the tears, the agony,  
And unforgivable sins."  
  
_ It's the only way I know. Nothing else would get me out of bed in the morning, nothing else would make the pain go away. They say I make myself hurt on the outside to get rid of what's eating me on the inside. I scowl at their faces and tell them they don't understand. How could they? They've never experienced what I have. They've never lost a best friend and fell in love with another. More importantly, they've been rejected by the one person they loved more than anything. They wouldn't know... what am I saying?? I've betrayed you, I've said everything I swore I wouldn't. What went wrong? What made me do the things I did? Well, I suppose it's only too late now. I miss you...  
  
_So much pain, too many tears  
I can't remember when  
You touched my heart and made me smile,  
Could you make me laugh again?  
  
_ There are so many memories drowning my mind. The park, the kiss, your hand in my hair. But that must have been a dream, because you don't love me. You never did, and you made sure I knew. Well, I don't care anymore. I'm through with you, because you don't care about me. Would you even mind if I disappeared like Harry? If I left? Would you even notice?  
  
_What would you do if I told you today  
That I would die tomorrow?  
Would you hold my hand and cry with me?  
Would you grieve in utter sorrow?  
  
_ I can't help thinking you'd say goodbye without even looking at me. You'd shake my hand and say, "You've had a good life." Then you'd turn and leave, leave me to die by myself. No one there to love me, or to tell me to be strong, or to tell me it will all be okay because you love me. Nope. Not even a smile. You'd just turn and leave.  
  
_Let me try it one last time -  
I'll try and say 'goodbye.'  
It hurts so much - the marks I've made,  
I have gone awry.  
  
_ What's wrong with me? What did I do to deserve this pain, this torture? It doesn't matter, because it will all be over soon. I'll be gone, and you'll forget me. You won't even notice, will you? That's fine. I'll leave without saying goodbye. But I would hate that more than anything. I have to say goodbye.  
  
_So many things to comprehend,  
Too many unsaid words.  
I'm sorry for my broken promises,  
The advice I never heard...  
  
_ You told me a thousand times that this wasn't the way to die. You told me I shouldn't do it. I couldn't do it. It would tear you up. I doubt that. I'm sorry... I shouldn't have been so hostile, so angry. I should be taking this time to tell you goodbye. There are just so many thoughts in my head. Too many things to say, but not enough time. I'm so sorry, my love. I'm so sorry.  
  
_I'm sorry my life has burdened you  
With its selfish memories.  
I hope you'll understand my ways,  
Forgive my mind's unease.   
  
_ I should never have been born. I wouldn't be here to hurt you, to hurt myself, to hurt everyone else. I'm sorry I was here in the first place. I'm sorry I loved you. And I'm sorry I wanted to forget Harry and move on. I'm sorry I couldn't be more than myself.  
  
_I've only got a few more left -   
Apologies I never made.  
So, bear with me one last time  
As I plead for my dues unpaid.  
  
_ All I can say is I'm sorry. I know it's not enough, but it's all I have left. Don't forget me when I'm gone. Remember all the good times we had, all the smiles, all the laughs. I'll be with you until the sun doesn't shine. I'm sorry, my dear. I'm sorry I let you down in so many ways.  
  
_I love you with all my heart and soul,  
But this I have to do -   
I'm sorry for letting you worry so,  
I'm sorry, and God bless you...  
_


End file.
